If a subject material is best learnt by teaching it, then leadership skills are best developed by mentoring. Mentoring is often confused with coaching, and although they naturally have many traits in common and the same aim of improving the performance of the coachee/mentee, there are still many differences between them. The biggest one being that coaching is a methodology, while mentoring is a relationship.

As a starting point, let us see the dictionary definition of a mentor:

A mentor-mentee relationship is one between equal partners and the mentor learns from the mentee almost as much as a mentee learns from the mentor. The mentor is someone with more experience, but that does not mean that the mentee, especially a highly dedicated one, cannot add to the mentor’s experience with their insight and approach.

Similarly to friendSHIP and leaderSHIP, leading by example generates the best results. What examples should you set?

1. consistency – keep your word
2. clarity
3. clear communication – avoid ambiguity and insinuation, and don’t assume other people have the same background knowledge as you do
4. clear boundaries – set clear boundaries in your own interest, and in the interest of a healthy relationship
5. clear expectations – as in a company, where lack of unequivocal expectations leads to lack of motivation, both in a peer-to-peer and mentor-to-mentee relationship we need to express what it is we expect from the other
6. credibility – the first two lead to creating an impression of an authentic leader and/or mentor, which in turn makes it easy for their mentees to follow their example.

Simon Sinek, in this recently posted short video explains how mentorship is actually a type of friendship. Since then, I look for the same traits in a mentor as I would when allowing somebody to enter my life as a friend. There are also other types of mentors, three of which are highlighted in a Forbes article:

• The Challenger, who asks questions about whyyour comfort zone is the way it is, until it no longer exists.
• The Cheerleader, who relentlessly boosts your self-esteem and confidence until you feel brave enough to stop over your own boundaries.
• The Coach, who is a wizen veteran providing the knowledge you need to innovate – or overcome the same adversitythey did.

Almost all of my mentors were strong, clever, warm-hearted women who taught me how to be humble in my profession, empathetic to people and determined in setting my goals and boundaries. I cannot thank them enough and can only hope my successes become a part of their legacy. They are all captains of their ship, regardless of whether the ship is a metaphor for a well-functioning family, a satisfying career, or a fulfilled life.

You might feel as a sailor on your own ship now wanting to one day take over the steering wheel. Embrace your current situation but find somebody who is already the captain of their ship, who has built a crew and is sailing toward more peaceful waters. Follow their example, be clear, be consistent and be credible – so that you can build your own crew which will be by your side and support you next time you are trying to steer through a heavy storm.

References:

1. https://mentorloop.com/blog/leadership-mentoring-effective-leaders/
2. https://www.forbes.com/sites/brianrashid/2017/05/02/3-reasons-all-great-leaders-have-mentors-and-mentees/#6a7d485313f9
3. https://www.reliableplant.com/Read/29332/mentoring-develops-leadership#:~:text=A%20mentor%20is%20a%20person,the%20mentee%20and%20the%20organization.