Imagine our body, and our emotions and memories within it, like a glass of water. When the glass gets full, we cannot pour more into it, however, that is what we try to do. We are full of the past, we are filled with our emotions and there is no space for more, there is no space for joy, happiness, and new possibilities to enter our lives. Therefore, we need to learn to let go.
We need to lay off the things and people that are holding us back; all the negative experiences and people from our past and when we do that, we will soon realise the amount of energy we free up. We will realise that we can do a lot more in our days and we are a lot more open to new possibilities. That is the power of letting go. But how can we do it and how can we identify what is really holding us back?
Getting close to the holidays and the new year, I suggested a challenge to one of the communities I am a member of. The challenge is about writing a personalized letter to either the situation that you want to leave behind or the person you want to let go of. This letter should consist of 3 elements:
- Explain how you feel about that situation or person. What is it that you did not like in it, why do you feel that you need to let go of it. Express all the thoughts, feelings, and problems that you have towards it. Express it with “I-messages” (I feel…; I think…; I did not like…) and try not to blame the other person. State it objectively and from your perspective.
- Take responsibility for your actions. Everything has two sides, ask yourself what is it that you could have done differently. We tend to blame ourselves as much as we blame others, so it is time to say, “I am sorry…”. Write down all the things that you would do differently looking back now, what you would say and what is it that you did not like in your own actions. Start each sentence with “I apologise for…” then say what is it that you regret.
- Say “Thank you”. Closing the letter, write down all the things you are grateful for, what you have learnt from that person or situation, how you took away from it. Brainstorm all the positive aspects of that conflict, fight, betrayal. This could be challenging, but in order to let go, you need to find something positive in it, that is how we can develop and learn, change perspectives; so next time we will know what to do.
None of the steps are easy, so take your time, revise it again and again until you feel that you have nothing left to share, until you feel that you have said it all and you have concluded everything. And the most important part of this letter is to BE HONEST, no one else has to see it and read it, therefore you should gift yourself with the truth and only the truth; without that you cannot really let go.
When you have reached that stage, where you feel your letter is finalized, you can do anything with it that will help you rid from it: tear it apart, burn it, throw it out, make a paper plane from it and make it fly… anything that helps you find that closure that you need. Then observe in the next days how you feel. Do you feel more energized? Do you feel that you can do more things? Have any new opportunities knocked on your door? What happened since you let go? Get a grasp on the positive impacts it had on your life and the joy, energy, happiness, calmness you feel afterwards. Because until your glass was full of the past, you could not pour anything like this into it, it just overflowed.
You can do this exercise with as many situations or as many people as you feel like. You can repeat it over and over again. As soon as you start, you will soon recognise how many things from your past hold you back, how much weight you have been carrying around. Feel free to go back for years to identify something that is preventing you from filling your life with positive experiences. You can let go of old friends who betrayed you in the past, a fight that happened last week and you cannot get over, your own limits and negative thoughts. Let`s free ourselves from these memories and thoughts that hold us back from a strong and productive year in 2021. Make it your personal challenge to leave behind as many things as you can in this year so that you can have a more successful year from 1st of January.
It is important to know that the new, the better can only come to our life, after we throw away the past. This new also needs space and by “cleaning up” we can attract that positive feeling into our lives. You have carried enormous weight on your shoulders by carrying the past with you. It is time to rid them and fill its space with something lighter, something that will take you closer to your dreams, your goals, and your happiness.